Am I the end?

When you wake up with a start and question why your days have been like yesterday.

You believe you need to experience things and launch into them.

You consider the consequences and flash your tongue against their relevance.

You jump up like a bird sucking fruit from tree without finishing, and sucking another fruit without finishing.

You enjoy it in bits, these experiences. Then you ascend to a plane of passivity.

You say, “These experiences must be lived.

I must have them as my body wants.

I must hunt greed cause my fingers twitch.”

But you wake up with a start and question why your days have been like yesterday.

You experience this question, even after experiencing experience.

You question. You know the cause. You choose your choice per day.

Because it is hard to neglect wants.

It is hard to sow a seed against that thief called Yearn.

Easy to tell our guts to change, but hard to truly put in that change.

It is our humanity, our self-centered craze.

But when you start to ask “Am I the end?”

“Am I the end of myself, the cause of my lore?”

“Am I the one preventing these days from changing?”

“No, I’m not the one. I’ve been trying, I know I’ve been trying.”

“I’ve changed my routine, worked on a few jobs, started my day with a prayer to God.”

“I’ve been doing these things, and I’ve also been trying to change my views.”

“So how am I the end?”

“But why do I feel like this?”

When you start to ask these questions.

You must listen to your heart.

You must acknowledge it as a guide, and hear its words.

You must tell it you know it craves desires.

Agree with its need to feel but know when to put a cap.

Know when to shut it off.

Know that if you do not cuff your excesses, you will wake up with a start day after day.

You will see time zoom like a cheetah.

Then you will look back at those experiences and hug them like a bunny.

You would tell it to those who want to listen.

But this is what you must know, who would want to listen?

Is it the change in the world that’d want to hear your words?

Is it the future you placed a hand on that will sit on your lap?

Is it “yourself,” the “other you” that wants to smile back with a big grin?

Or is it your guilt that you want to listen to your words?

Today, I profess my love again to you.

I reconfess that it is you, my faithful subscriber, that keeps me going.

I pledge to keep writing for your benefit.

And I wish you a happy wonderful day.